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Friday, February 19, 2010

CRIT FRIDAY FIRST KISS #7 (no title)

This soothing behavior was a seductive decoy.

Carly pushed gently against him and he released her. They faced each other at arm’s length.

His blue eyes were tender. It startled and confused her. She could almost believe he was earnest, resplendent in a suit of armor… dragon dead, royal nemesis defeated, happy ending.

But fairy tales weren’t real.

“What happened in the barn?”

“Nothing,” she said.

His gaze darted between her eyes and mouth. “Trust me.”

She sensed the instant his interest became more carnal and felt strangely hurt by it. Her anger flared. “When a man says ‘trust me’ the opposite usually happens.”

“We’re not all bastards, Carly.” He looked beyond hungry. Ravenous. A muscled arm wove around her waist, his hand applied light yet firm pressure. “Sweet Jesus, you are beautiful.”

“Let go.” She tried to wrench away.

Desire overrode chivalry. Now he pulled her forcefully toward him, pressing her close. She felt a rock-like ridge along her abdomen. “Tell me what happened.” He lowered his head, lips hovering over hers, sensual and tantalizing. “Tell me and I’ll let you go.”

“No.” She could scarcely breathe.

“Why not?”

“Zones,” she said sarcastically, relishing she could use his own words against him.

“F*ck zones.” His mouth came down on hers roughly.

His big hand curled around the base of her skull, long fingers splayed, mobilizing her head. His other arm snaked around her waist, moving up her back. He wasn’t crushing her, but she couldn’t squirm and escape.

The pressure of his lips lessened. Now, his kissing became slower, deeper, more passionate. When he stopped, her eyes fluttered open, to see those arresting blue eyes up close, like two aquamarine gemstones on fire. His lips curled into a smile before he resumed kissing her, this time, even more slowly.

Her brain warned her. He knows he’s got you. But her body didn’t care. In a haze, she realized a sound formed in her throat, something between a hum and a moan.

She threaded her fingers through his short, coarse hair, returning each kiss. His hands and arms tightened around her. A roar ebbed in and out of her ears. Her fingers encountered taut muscle, pectorals, a six pack, corded arms. Against her tummy, his erection was even harder, longer, and she was sorely tempted to stroke him. When he bent over again, he folded her lower lip between his teeth, tugging and sucking until she groaned.

Oh, God, had anyone else ever kissed her like this? Before, it had been perfunctory, clumsy, slobbering, a maneuver to grope her breasts.

He tried to slide his tongue between her clenched teeth.

No. Too soon. Stop. Her head twisted against his upper arm, her hair crackling with static against his sleeve.

“Open your mouth,” he demanded, low and guttural. His lips drifted across her face, his hot breath fanning her cheek.

“No –”

The second her lips parted, his tongue plunged deep, swirling hers. All five of her senses whirled like on a wild amusement ride.


JERRICA: Very nice! You've used all the 5 senses very well, and the sexual tension is palpable. I love the line about her hair crackling with static. You have a very distinct voice, too, which is what's most important. Well done!

SAMANTHA: Ooh, one line I really like. "Before, it had been perfunctory, clumsy, slobbering, a maneuver to grope her breast." I could really connect with your heroine on this one. This is her first real kiss. The bad part about only have a section to critique is not having the backstory. I'd like to know what the zones mean. Because I don't know the nature of their relationship up to this point, it is hard to feel certain about feedback given. However, I had a little uneasiness with feeling he was a bit aggressive, almost forcing her to kiss him. Again, I don't know what led up to this kiss, so I may be completely off base. Great descriptions.

HEATHER: Fantastic first kiss - very smooth. Question: If he has her so tight against his chest how could she feel his six pack with her fingers? The sentence before said he drew her closer.

JULIE: Excellent first kiss scent. I hear your voice as a writer right away. I would try to delete several of the inactive verbs such as "was" and make them active to draw your reader right into the scene with you. I love the line "Before, it had been perfunctory, clumsy, slobbering, a maneuver to grope her breast." This is great deep pov which will connect a good many people to your heroine. The hero does seem a bit aggressive, but this may be cleared up prior to this scene or after it. Anywy, I really enjoyed your writing.

LYDIA: Great scene. I'm fanning myself. I loved the opening, likening him to a knight in shining armor and all that goes with that. You have wonderful chemistry between the two and the conflict, from what I can see, looks intense.

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