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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Dark Side of Swimsuit Shopping

ORLANDO, HERE WE COME!!! This Saturday my little family will hop in the car, drive to my home state fourteen hours away, leave the kids to enjoy some quality Mimi and Granddad time, and then hubby and I will catch a flight to Florida for the RWA National Convention.

My favorite part of any trip is planning what I’m going to wear. I joined the Christmas club through my employer’s credit union, and guess what? It’s Christmas in July! (Thank goodness they got rid of that silly rule where I can’t withdraw funds until December.)

I know shopping isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I really, really like new clothes. And jewelry. And new handbags. Oh, and I needed a case for my laptop. Actually, my hubby talked me into that purchase. I said, “I’m not planning to take my laptop.” (I thought I should take a complete break from writing since it is our vacation.) Hubby: Yeah, right. You fib. So I took that to mean he was okay with me bringing it along.

I’m one of those people who make lists of what I’m going to wear each day of a trip along with the accessories. Some days I need more than one outfit. For example, the night of the GH and Rita Awards Ceremony calls for dressier attire. But there’s one day where hubby and I will have down time to spend together. Neither of us is big into tourist attractions, and we don’t want to do anything Disney without the kids, so we’ve talked about hanging out by the pool.

Now, as much as I love shopping for new dresses, skirts and blouses, I hate shopping for a new bathing suit. Have you ever seen those magazine articles that promise there’s a swimsuit to flatter every body type? What a crock! Let me tell you, unless it has the ability to enchant everyone around me so that when they gaze upon me they see Kim Kardashian, it isn’t going to cut it. And I’m not a big woman. I’m average, but I still can’t find a swimsuit I consider flattering.

First of all, swimsuits never have any support in the bust. Those padded tops are a joke. If I cared to flash everyone, I'd be vacationing in New Orleans during Mardi Gras or Key West during spring break. Not a family fun park. And the material is so clingy it shows every bump. Add in bad lighting and 360 degree views and it’s enough to make anyone run for the hills. Do I really need to see my backside in all of its glory? I think not.

My hubby suggested I get a bikini. Bless his heart, he is the sweetest, most misguided man on the planet. I’ve had two gigantic babies. The bikini days have long passed. But, I’m not happy with a one piece either. They all look cute on the hanger. And don’t you love those promises of a stomach-flattening miracle panel sewn right inside? Yeah, I tried one of those. I looked like a python that had swallowed a pigmy.

In the end, I found the perfect place to buy a suit. There was only one mirror, the lighting was dim and with a little squinting, I looked fantastic. So, do me a favor, okay? If you see me at the pool, please keep me in the dark. Ignorance is bliss after all.

What do you most hate shopping for?


  1. You know what I love most about swimsuits? The cute cover-ups. ;) Have a great time with your husband!

  2. Hilarious, Michelle. I wish you were with me when I was shopping for Nationals. I hate shopping. Period. It doesn't matter what I'm shopping for.

  3. I hate to shop for swimsuits the most! But I have learned if I get a spray tan first I am much happier with how I look in the suits as I try them on. A friend passed this tip to me, and it is so true! Have fun at the conference!

  4. Hmm...I just plain hate to go shopping. LOL. It is extremely rare that I'll find something that fits, looks good, and is within the price range I want to pay. For that matter, meeting those first two requirements is difficult enough without adding on the third. And bathing suits? No thanks.

  5. Lmao! I'm still wearing my maternity swimsuit from last year...it hides pretty much everything :) There's no way I'll be shopping for a suit this summer! Lol!

  6. Gillian,
    What a great idea! Now I have to run out and buy a new cover-up. ;)

    I never thought of getting a spray tan before shopping for a suit. But I get a little freaked out in those booths, because I'm convinced I'm breathing in toxic fumes. LOL.

    I wish I'd been with you too. I would have had a blast picking out clothes for you to try on.

    I feel your pain, sweetie. Having been a student myself, I remember those days. Hubby pays his last student loan payment in August. What a sense of freedom!!!

    I'm sure you'll look completely adorable just like last year. The good thing about having a baby with you is that no one looks at you anymore anyway. Those babies! Always hogging the spotlight. :)

  7. I'm not much of a shopper -- I'm more of a buyer. LOL

    One thing I wish more stores paid attention to is the lighting in the dressing rooms. A couple years ago I was trying to find a fancy schmancy dress and everything looked HORRIBLE because *I* looked pale or green or sickly -- because of the lighting. I went to Victoria's Secret to get a Miraculous Bra for the dress I finally found -- the dressing room was GORGEOUS -- I wanted to move in! Soft rosy lighting, a lush carpet, and a fainting couch for when I swooned seeing how great I looked. LOL


  8. LOL. Every dressing room should definitely have a fainting couch. :)

    I agree. Lighting should be a major consideration in any dressing room. Stores pay attention to music and merchandising, but if you don't look good in something because the lighting makes you look like a zombie, it's not going to sell the clothing.

    Thanks for sharing. I'm still laughing over the fainting couch at Victoria's Secret.

  9. "If I cared to flash everyone, I'd be vacationing in New Orleans during Mardi Gras or Key West during spring break." LOL!!

    Bras. Hands down. Who do they make them for, anyway? (All due respect, however Donna, for VS's gorgeous dressing rooms.)

    And t-shirts. Don't get me started on t-shirts. This is not an era for short-waisted women with hips in terms of t-shirts. Omg, and I have to go shopping today for both, ack!

    See you in Orlando, bathing suits and all! :)

  10. Katharine,

    I'm totally with you on the bras. I finally found a bra I like, but I feel like I should take out a loan to buy more than one.

    Good luck with your shopping, and look forward to seeing you in Florida!

  11. HA HA HA! What a fun post - and I concur, swimsuit shopping is the worst. I bought a new one this year and oy - so many technical problems I simply didn't forsee in the dressing room!