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Friday, February 17, 2012

If Only I Had a DeLorean!



Do you ever wish you had a time machine?

I always did.

(Until I saw the movie Time Machine. Those ape things scared the bejeezus out of me.)

I thought, how romantic. The idea of going back to the early 1800s, attending balls and horse races, wearing sweeping gowns and fanciful hats with waving ostrich plumes, sounded positively fabulous to me. Dressing for dinner, dancing all night, having tea and shopping? Right up my alley. Sign me up.


And then I got engaged. (That's right. I trapped me a man.) I was so excited to buy a wedding dress. I rushed to the nearest shop and purchased one.
A big, beautiful, frothy satin ballgown.
That's when the fatal flaw in my design became clear.
I would have to wear a corset. (Booo! Hiss!)
And petticoats- the kind that tie on. And the only way to get me in and out of that dress was the lacing up the back. (My new husband was not a fan of that.)

Again, sounds romantic, right?

Reality face-checked me like Wayne Gretzky going in for the kill. Like most things we have only read about but never tried (I'm not even going there), a corset was not anything like I'd imagined. Sure, it molded my squat Russian peasant body into a lovely hourglass shape, keeping the dress smooth and elegant, and making me feel like a princess.

But it hurt.

People, I had lines creasing my skin for hours after that tool of Satan came off. And my ribs ached for days. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to wear one of those suckers for years, day in, day out.

So, as much as I adore the Regency and Victorian periods of history, I don't think I'd choose to go back and actually live there. I'm too spoiled by my everyday conveniences.

(No Starbucks? No Barnes and Noble? No Twitter?! Noooo!)

Maybe forward. Maybe a thousand years from now, everyone is living in peace here and on other planets, with their own personal robots and driving a space ship.

So if you could hop in the DeLorean and time travel, where would you go? Would you choose going into the past or forward to the future?




23 comments:

  1. Olivia ~ LOL. My grandmother used to say "It hurts to be pretty" all while I was growing up. My very modern mouth, even in my younger days, would say things like "Then I don't want to be pretty." I mean aching ribs day in, day out. Umm, no.

    As for time travel. Boy have I wished I had a DeLorean over the last few years. I would love to see the past AND the future. Why pick just one *if* you have a DeLorean? I always want it all, selfish girl that I am. BUT if I could only go one place - I think it would have to be to my own past... "See that tall guy over there. Stay away from him. Sure he seems charming, but he's a compulsive liar who'll break your heart and crush your dreams. Whatever you do DON"T marry him!" Oh, DeLorean, wherefore art thou?

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    1. Ooo, Ava. Don't we all wish that the older us could go back at some point and jump in front of the younger us, and shriek "No! Don't date him! He's trouble"? Well, at least you got out, though. Smart girl. :)

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    2. Ava, you made me laugh so hard I banged my very sore head on the headboard.

      That may just become my mantra.. "Oh, DeLorean, wherefore art thou?"

      Love it.

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  2. LOL Loved the post! As for me, I'd definitely hop to the past, Civil War era to the early 1900s specifically. I'd love to be an observer of life, to see how folks really lived, how they interacted, if they were just like today's people and had a naughty side when no one was looking :-) I didn't choose the future because I have too much fun making up my own when I write sci-fi! :-) Great post :-)

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    1. Thanks, Sandra! I love the Civil War era too. You know, everyone always looks so somber in those old pictures, but I think it was only for posterity. I bet they could be just as wild and fun as people are now. I would be fun, though, to go back and experience it, if only for a little while.

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  3. Hmmm, that's a tough choice. I would love to back to check out--notice I didn't say live--past times. Ancient Greece, the Romans, America before we settled here...but I don't wanna live that crap. Just take a gander as I pass on through to the next century.
    As to the future, unless I'm insanely rich and fabulously thin (and my family is healthy & happy, of course. Ahem), I don't want to know.
    Cute post! Love the pic of you in your wedding dress! Is that a genuine, happy pose or are you trying to relieve the corset pressure? lol.

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    1. Oh, i wish I could remember the name of this book I read in middle school! It was from the point of view of a Native American girl, right around the time white people came to America. It followed her from early teens, through day to day life, her friend's marriage as a younger wife, the small pox hitting their village, raids by enemy parties- it was the BEST book. If I remember, I'll let you know. I bet your girls would like it!

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  4. Oh man all the choices that I could make if I could go into the past. I'm not sure where I would like to go. I would probably hop a couple different times. I think I would start with going to the time of Henry the 8th and tell him what I really think of him and how he is a self absorb arrogant bastard and start running to get to my time machine because I'm kinda partial to my head. Since he had a habit of beheading people. I would like to jump to time Jane Austen was alive and hang out with for awhile. The idea of that clothes would get to me after awhile and I would have to come home to my own time. Once I get home put some jeans on because I would have miss them and go do something without a chaperone because of all there rules and all. Then I would thank God because I'm not so oppress living in my current time.

    The idea of going to the future of scary me, because I really wouldn't want to know what could happen.

    This was a great topic. I seriously think what would do if I could go back in time. In all honest I raise muck.

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    1. Melody, that's so funny! I bet you'd have to run fast, lol....
      I don't know about going forward either, in all honesty. If you saw the movie Time Machine, then you would remember the part where the inventor goes forward and he comes out right as the moon is breaking up and it's tearing things up on Earth. People are panicking, buildings are falling- it's terrifying to him. That's pretty scary stuff!

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  5. Great post Olivia! How we suffer for beauty! And you're right, in the past it would have just been a girl's due.

    I have to say, my Dad babysat a DeLorean back in the 80s, for a friend. I rode in it a couple of times, but never got to time travel, darn it! It was cool getting out, though, with the doors winging high.

    I would love to visit the past. I'd love to meet some of the notables from the Regency age, especially the ones that I have written about! I would love to meet Victoria and Albert too, and go to the Great Exhibition. But I would only want to visit. I like hot, running water. And cold refrigerators. And knowing antibiotics are there if I need them. :-)

    Watch out when you visit the future! You know the Morlocks were there, not in the past! :-)

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    1. Eek! I know- incentive to stay right here, lol!

      I would have LOVED to seen the Great Exhibition. I imagine the Crystal Palace was something to behold, sprawling and filled to the rafters with amazing innovations. It would have been fun to see all those inventions, and think "Huh. THAT'LL never catch on." ;D

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  6. My mom always said Beauty is Pain as she tried brushing the tangles out of my waist length hair. I was six and it didn't compute. All I knew was I wanted her to CUT MAI HAIR!!! hee!

    I would love to visit the past, spy on my ancestors--maybe even have a conversation. Unless that would screw up the time/space continuum. ;)

    What a fun Friday post, Olivia!!

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  7. Ha!"Beauty is pain"- Omg, your mom is hardcore, Marquita! She would have made the PERFECT Regency mum. She would have had you married off to a duke in no time flat. Lol....

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  8. I'd go into the past, definitely. I don't want to know the future. That's yet to be lived. I'd like to take a trip through several centuries and visit with people like Alexander the Great, Richard the Lionheart, Marie Antoinette, Emily Dickinson and Jane Austen, to name a few.

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  9. The past! No question.

    But I wouldn't want to limit myself to just one point in time.

    I'd want to go back to talk to a young me and convince myself that, no matter how hard it is at the time, I *will* get through it.

    I want to go back to the 1960s and experience Beatle-Mania and the British Invasion. Then I want to head over to see Bob Marley live sometime before his death.

    I'd love to drop into the pre-Civil War South, just to see what the balls and debutantes and all were really like.

    Then, of course, I'd have to make a stop in Regency England.

    But why stop there? I want to meet Marie Antoinette. I want to visit the Alamo back when it was more than just a museum. I want to see Paris as the Eiffel Tower is being constructed. I want to drop in on the Titanic (but leave again before it sinks!). There are so many points in time I'd love to go back and experience, I couldn't possibly list them all.

    I'm really getting a sense of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure here. LOL. You know, maybe that's it. Instead of a DeLorian, I need one of those time-travel phone booths. :)

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    1. Yes! I think the phone booths are SO much cooler than the DeLorean, lol...

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  10. I would definitely go to the past too, to England. But I'd only go if that DeLorean could bring me back when it was time to take a bath. Um, hot running water? Yes, please.

    There are a lot of things I would want to see though. I think all of us who write historical stuff would love to see the reality of what we write about. How does it compare? I mean, it's all very romantic. Carriages and beautiful ballgowns, jewels and gloves. Men in tails and cravats. Le sigh. But I think I'd have a REAL problem with the hygiene. And I suspect I'm too straightforward for Georgian, Regency, and Victorian times. I might have got on better in Edwardian times. Women were allowed to speak their minds a little bit more then.

    Good blog, Olivia. And god bless ya with the corset. No way man. Nothing was going to impede my enjoyment of my wedding cake. (Cake... yum....)

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    1. Marnee- there is NO way I would live without running (hot) water. And, I think you and I would get in a lot of trouble together, lol... I'm not really the sort to bite my tongue, either!

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  11. I'd definitely go to the future. I'd love to see where we're at in 100 years.

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    1. I would love to see the future if someone could guarantee me there would be no scary ape things...or bloody-thirsty aliens...or spandex. ;)

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  12. The past! I would at least know what to expect ;) I don't know if I could actually live in any other era, but it sure would be something to see it. In the mean time, books will have to be my time machine ;)

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  13. I would use a time machine to pop into the past for research purposes only. I sure wouldn't want to live in the past. :)

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  14. Definitely to the past. But take me back to the golden age of piracy! If I'm going then I'm going big, I want the big adventure! I really couldn't live there though, I'm too lazy. Books are definitely my time machine for the moment and you know what I kind of like it that way. Great post, Olivia!

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