There. I said it. It's out there, and I can't take it back unless I do something to change it.
When I was a kid, I was "chubby" or I told people I hadn't lost my baby fat. As a teenager, I was "fluffy," or I think that was the term we tended to use at the time. As a twenty-something, I tended to go with "curvy" as the term of choice. When my thirties hit, I started to use terms more like "overweight" or "plus-size."
But none of those really get to the heart of the matter. They're words that I used to make myself feel better about myself, when I didn't really feel all that good about myself. They were supposed to make it less painful to face the truth, I guess, but they really just glossed over the truth.
Because the truth is I'm fat. Obese works, as well. Neither of those are terms that seek to hide the facts.
In other areas of my life, I've never been shy to call a spade a spade. If something needs to change, I either change it myself, or I point it out to someone who can make the change. I'm not one to bite my tongue. But for some reason, in this area of my life, I've never been willing or able to face the facts, to admit to the truth. One thing I've learned in life, though, is that until we come face to face with reality, we'll never change.
So I'm facing the truth today. I'm fat. I'm obese. I'm not just curvy or fluffy or plus-sized. I'm the writer who sits behind the computer screen all day, drowning myself with coffee and eating all sorts of things that are bad for me, until one day I get on an airplane and almost can't fasten the seat belt because I'm too fat. I'm the aunt who can't run after a kite with my nephew because I'm too fat and out of shape, so I have to be sure someone else is with us who can run with him, or who can't take him on rides at the amusement park because I don't fit. I'm the diner at the restaurant who insists on a table and not a booth, because I never know if I'll be able to fit between the table and the bench.
But that doesn't mean that's how I have to stay.
I recently decided to lose weight, and I joined Weight Watchers. I think I'm going to join a gym, too, because if I spend the money on it I'm far more likely to use it and actually work out.
I don't think I want to change the statement at the beginning of this blog post to "I'm skinny" or anything like that. I don't think I'll ever be skinny. But I do want to be able to someday, in the not too distant future, say "I'm healthy." That'd be nice.
Are there any words you've avoided using about yourself that maybe you should start using? Are you willing to make a change and get healthy with me?