Long time no blog.
I’d like to say I’ve been off doing amazing things like touring the Vatican or Egypt’s pyramids or hiking the Serengeti.
I’ve been teaching middle-schoolers.
|Do you see that glint in her pretty brown eyes? Wickedness on the loose.|
If you don’t have one of these at home, you may not realize they’re as dangerous as any predatory cat, but I assure you, this crowd will eat your heart.
|Predatory with a capital KITTY.|
Anyway, as a fact loving fool, where better to spread my frivolous information than to hungry little minds? Not that I gave them anything useful, but I started each morning with a fun fact. We’d gossip and giggle over it until the homeroom bell rang and it was time to learn something for real.
Hmm, I see some wide eyes in the crowd as those of you who follow me on Twitter know I find some, uh, interesting facts. Not to worry—I kept them all kosher.
The facts, not the kids.
|Definitely not kosher.|
Some of their favorites were:
~Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen. Not sure why, but this tickled the kids. Probably because it gave them the opportunity to giggle about butts.
~A polar bear's skin is black and its fur is actually clear, not white. Also all polar bears are left handed. Yes, they asked me if I was left-handed. No, I am not.
|And I've been culled from the Sleuth (group of bears) because of it.|
~An airplane mechanic invented the Slinky while he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use for the springs.
~Real diamonds can be made from peanut butter. Errrrr (screeching tires, ya'll), back up.
|Someone fetch me the Jif!|
~The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day. Totally unrelated, children laugh 400 times per day, while adults laugh on average 15 times. Couldn’t possibly be because they’re laughing at the psychoses those 400 questions put on their mother.
|If I hold this throbbing vein, my head won't explode. Right? RIGHT?!|
~The word 'News' is actually an acronym standing for the 4 cardinal compass points - North, East, West, and South!
~In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
|Pardon me, Eagle Eye, have you any cheese?|
Yep. Fascinating stuff, huh? These are the lessons I taught your kids. Who needs the three R’s when I’m teaching history, zoology, diamond mining and domesticity?
Got any useless information to share?