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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Unsolved Household Mysteries


Yesterday, as I was getting ready for work, I began to ponder the great mysteries of our household. ‘Cause that’s what I do. I ponder, especially in the shower. On this particular day, I identified five unexplained mysteries common to our household.
What I would look like pondering if I were a young boy

1. Why is the dustpan always missing? It’s never in its designated spot when any of us go to get it. It’s not like anyone is secretly sweeping when no one is looking, so what’s up? The last time I was on deadline the dust bunnies formed an army and tried to overthrow us, so I KNOW no one in the family is hiding a sweeping addiction.

2. What is so complicated about a tube of toothpaste? It’s a flip lid! Just squeeze, then flip it closed. That’s how you avoid that yucky, dried up crust around the end. An ounce of prevention, people! Keep up with me, here. And no, I am NOT running out to buy a new tube just so it too can get “gross” in a couple of days. Learn how to operate it.

Actual tube from my kids' bathroom before I cleaned it up. Notice how it is squeezed in the middle. 
3. Where did all the scissors go? I’ve purchased around 20 pairs of scissors in the last three years, but when anyone needs to use them, they’re gone. It’s like the scissors sprout wings and fly away. I expect some day we’ll find them among a cache of weapons the dust bunnies have amassed in preparation for their next attack.

4. Who keeps taking the backs off the remotes? Every remote we get mysteriously loses the back cover. Why? If the batteries were missing too, I could understand. But they aren’t!!! So why does the back cover disappear? And I do mean DISAPPEAR since we can’t ever seem to find it again.

5. What is that funky smell? The source of the funk can be just about anything from dear hubby’s gym bag to something unpleasant the animals did in one of the kids’ rooms. Or it might be someone’s shoes. Or someone’s bad aim in the powder room. Or out-of-date broccoli hiding behind the mayo. Or the dog that rolled in God-only-knows-what outside. Sometimes one must go on a sniffing mission to hunt down the offender and take it out. Of course, once the source is identified, immediate action must be taken to eliminate the stank. But guess what? No dice, because the deodorizing spray has apparently eloped with the back of the remote.



Don’t you think this would make a great show on HGTV? The mysteries of a particular household presented and solved within 30 minutes. So, tell me. What are some of the great mysteries in your house?

23 comments:

  1. Brilliant, Samantha! I think this whole blog would make a great show on HGTV, but the Funky Smell would be an instant classic!

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    1. Thanks, Deb! Maybe there could be a whole show called "What's that Funky Smell?" LOL.

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  2. Bahahaha! Love this post, Samantha! I believe #2 and #4 must be universal truths. My...darlings gum up their toothpaste (squeeze in the middle and leave the lid off so the toothpaste hardens into it's own crash helmet) and then sneak off to my bathroom and gum up mine. Why must they strangle my Crest? What'd it ever do to them?
    I have two remotes without backs--I had to tape the batteries in. How stupid is that?! Why?! What do these little hobgoblins get out of removing the casing?! And then they yell at me when the batteries keep falling out. Arrrghgghh!

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    1. Andris,
      My kids like to sneak into our bathroom, too! Strangling the Crest. That is such an accurate description. LOL

      Oh, and the duck tape solution is used at our house also!

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    2. One thing I've discovered about the remote battery covers...they don't disappear if there are no children around. Just food for thought. Not that I'm saying you should toss your kids or anything. LOL.

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  3. HAHAHA I'm guilty of strangling the toothpaste, but the cap must always go back on (there's nothing nastier than hard toothpaste). Missing socks tend to be a mystery for me, I always tend to lose one in the wash. As for the dustpan well that thing simply walks. I have a knack of misplacing my bookmarks while I'm reading, so one book must have two or three ready to go.

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  4. When I lived with my dad, the thing that always drove me insane was the kitchen towel. It is to be used for drying CLEAN things (hands you've just washed, clean dishes straight from the sink), so if you use it to clean up something DIRTY, put the towel in the wash, don't hang it back where the clean one is supposed to go. But without fail, the ONLY times he would ever hang the towel back where it belonged was when he'd used it to clean up a coffee spill or some grease/oil/gunk from his hands after working on his 20-year-old truck. Otherwise, I was on a hunt for where the kitchen towel might be. And of course, you never start hunting for the kitchen towel until you already need it. Who goes to find it before it is needed? You just assume it is where it belongs, so there's no need to look, right? Wrong. Drove me insane.

    I do not handle people messing with my toothpaste tube. I squeeze from the end and leave the cap firmly in place. And honestly, it isn't that hard to be certain the paste gets on the brush and NOT all over the outside of the tube. If you leave it clean and ready to go, there will be no problems. I have been known to hide my tube of toothpaste, so no one else can gross me out with it.

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    1. Catherine,
      Will you come give my kids a toothpaste lesson? I'd also like to know how they get it all over the sink! :D

      The hand towel thing drives me nuts. I often find it on the floor!!! How? Why? Aargh!!!

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    2. Since I have had to resort to hiding my own personal tube of toothpaste, I'm not sure how effective my lessons would be. LOL. I'll try, if you want.

      And yes...the FLOOR. Ugh. That's one place I've found it. Also wadded up in a ball on the dining room table, sitting on an unused (at the moment!) burner on the stove (hello, fire hazard), hanging out on top of the toaster/coffee pot/microwave... Anywhere but where it belongs. Why do they do this? I don't understand.

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  5. Misty,
    Socks are the worst! I just bought 20 pairs for my son, because they always go missing. But where the heck are they because they aren't in the laundry??? I wish they just made cheap, disposable socks! :)

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    1. I buy socks these days at the dollar tree to save me LOL.

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    2. I love those commercials where a dad and son are dipping their feet into some white stuff, which is like a perma-sock or something. Hilarious.

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    3. My favorite socks I wash by hand lol....Yes I have favorites, but then I don't do white socks......think Seeley Booth bright colored socks or funky patterns

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  6. Everything you listed is spooky accurate. The back of the remote - I could show you the picture. I solved the tooth paste problem, by buying my daughter toothpastes in one of those dispensers that stand up, and you press the top, so there is no middle to squish. Cute blog.

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    1. Gayle,

      I'll have to give the pump a try, but I'm picturing a hardened toothpaste snake dangling from the spout. LOL

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  7. Yeah...in my house, I'd be the culprit with each and every one of those, lol. I don't know how my poor neatnik hubby lives with me!

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    1. And yet, you held it together so well in California. I never would have guessed you were messy. ;D

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    2. But you seem so put together and organized! I don't believe it. LOL.

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  8. OMGOSH! Hilarious Samantha. This would be a brilliant show, lol! Next up mystery of the single sock. No matter how many pairs go in the wash, one always missing when they exit the dryer.
    I'm convinced there's a portal to another dimension where those single socks are having a party. ;)

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    1. "The Single Sock." That would be on TLC show. Two mismatched socks are set up on a date to see if they can become a couple. :D

      Maybe there is a witness protection program for socks. They are given a new identity, such as a sock monkey!

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  9. Great entry, I am still laughing. I am constantly asking what that smell is around my house. I also cannot believe how they can't seem to work a simple flip top tube of toothpaste. When I was a kid, they had a screw top and my mom had these little plastic devices to roll up the tube. I can't imagine anything like that being a success in my home today!

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    1. Sandra,
      It's so great to know I'm not alone! LOL. I remember the screw on tops for the toothpaste and the little plastic device. :)

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