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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Mother Knows Best


Sometimes things are funny because they are so true to life. Last night, I was flipping through the channels looking for the news and stopped at an old rerun of The King of Queens. I’ve only watched the show a handful of times, but this opening scene made me snort. Seriously! If I’d been drinking milk, it would have come out of my nose. Why? Because the wife said what I’ve wanted say on many occasions when one of my family members has asked me where something is one time too many.

Watch this scene and see if you can relate.



I get questions daily about where things are kept. Here’s just a partial list:

Scissors
Dust pan
Broom
The cat
Nail clippers
Phone
My cell phone
My daughter’s brush
The milk. Yes, the MILK!!!
Socks
Shoes

And then there are my hubby’s top three:

Keys
Name badge
Pager

Now he's good about asking me if I've seen his personal items, but it took almost thirteen years of marriage before he figured out I wasn't messing with his head. Before that time, he would narrow his eyes and demand to know where I had put his stuff. Why in the world would I take his keys or name badge? Or LIE about it, for that matter? That would only delay his departure, and he's not much fun when he's in a snit. (To be fair, neither am I.)

The funny thing is I’ve never left the house with his keys in my jacket pocket. And I certainly haven't done it repeatedly! So if I can't find my keys and openly accuse him of taking them, I have some history to back up my paranoia. He doesn't. A couple of times he has left for work with my keys in his pocket, and once I had to call a cab so I wouldn't miss a meeting. Another time he even left town with my keys. Fortunately, they were to a loaner since my car was being repaired, so I was able to get another set.

So, why am I the designated keeper of all household things? I think it boils down to three possibilities. Either (1) I'm clairvoyant, (2) I'm the only one worried about a zombie apocalypse, and therefore keenly aware of where all hammers, knives, and other potential weapons are stored, or (3) I'm too blasted nice.

I'm going with #3. 

And why am I so nice? Because I love my sweet, little family, and I'd be lost without them. 

So now it's your turn. What does your family or roommate do that drives you nuts, and what makes you like/love them anyway?


25 comments:

  1. Too funny! I get asked about scissors and nail clippers the most. Why? Because the last person who used them (not me) didn't put them back. They are usually found in kid's bedroom, but I am not pointing fingers. Is it really so hard to put something back?

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    1. Jane,
      I think it must be, which is the reason we never know where the dust pan or broom is. ;)

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  2. That is the funniest thing and I think every wife out there can totally relate. I'm going to share this baby with the WORLD starting with my Husband! Thank you so much for the wonderful laugh today! :-)

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    1. My pleasure, Connie! We all need a good laugh from time to time for sanity's sake. ;)

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  3. HA! Although my crew asks where things are, the thing that drives me bonkers is when my kids ask for a drink of water. They're all big enough to reach the cabinet where I keep the cups, and they all know how to open the fridge door and push a honking button. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO TRACK ME DOWN TO ASK IF THEY CAN DO THAT?! This isn't a third world dictatorship (don't ask my husband about that, k?), of course you can have a drink! Just get it! Arrgghh!
    Or, my husband, who has better vision than I do, will ask me to find the belt tabs he needs for this duty belt. He loses them all the time (funny since he never misplaces his gun or taser--something I'd like to get my hands on). The tabs could be sitting on the bed in plain view, but he will track me down to help him find them. He's got a weird tab blindness or something. Le sigh. Silly man.

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    1. LOL! Andris, I can totally relate to the water thing. Just get it!!! Also, why does my daughter have to announce everything she's going to do? "Mom? I'm going downstairs." "Mom? I'm going to the bathroom." "Mom? I'm going to do my homework." OMG. Just do it, already!

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    2. This makes me laugh, because *I* still do that! I tell everyone everything. "Babe, I'm going to the bathroom." "Boys, I'll be in the kitchen." "Mom, I'm going in for a shower, so don't call, okay?" LMAO!

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    3. Oh, boy! So it looks like I'll have a lifetime of this. Hahaha... I'll probably just be thrilled when she calls and I won't mind it then. :)

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  4. Holy Cow! You are clairvoyant! You were listening to my conversation (in my head only) yesterday. We have lived in this house for 12 years and my husband still does not know the difference between a kitchen towel and a bathroom towel. He gave up asking me a few years ago where things were, because, yes, he figured out that I was not intentionally taking his things for fun. UGH. Or better yet, I had so much free time on my hands between switching the towels around that I would hide his stuff for fun. Just put stuff away and be done with it already. Now, my 8 year old is starting in on the 'where did you put my such and such?' I will have to nip that in the bud!

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    1. Seriously, how COULD you have time when you needed to mix up the towels and keep him on his toes? LOL! Good luck with nipping it in the bud! If you figure out what works, you have to share your strategies. :)

      I don't know what it is about towels, but that's a problem around my house, too. Actually, my family can't tell the difference between a bathroom hand towel and a wash cloth. I always find soaking hand towels on the bathroom sink.

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  5. I swear, I live such a different life from most women, lol. My hubby is the neat one, so he ALWAYS knows where everything is. I'm the one asking for things, but in fairness, its because he's always cleaning up behind me and putting stuff where I wouldn't think to look (like the cabinet in the garage!).

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    1. Erin,
      That must be hard when he is out of town. Do you call him to ask where things are?

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  6. No one in our family can ever find shoes or coats. Or at least the ones they want for *that* day. Never mind we have a coat closet, a shoe rack in the laundry room and--oh yeah--they have their own closets to keep their stuff in.

    LOL! Thanks for a great and funny blog, Samantha. Great Chuckle for the day!

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    1. I needed a chuckle today, too. Yeah, our closets seem to have no purpose. I mean, isn't that what the back of chairs and under the couch is for??? :D

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  7. I love my kids beyond measure, but they both have a habit of acting things out--things that actually happened to them, or something they've seen on TV, whatever. It doesn't matter that I was sitting right next to them, watching the same thing, I get to see *their* version of it--and if they really liked it, I get to see it over and over again for the next few days.

    jeez.

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    1. LOL. i wonder if that's a teen boy thing. My son loves to retell jokes and quote movies over and over again. He doesn't act them out, though. That would be a twist. :)

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  8. My pet peeve is my husband and older son's take on doing a job I've asked of them. Usually the job is only half completed AND all the supplies are left lying around. Grrr. The whole point is I refuse to spend every freaking day of my life cleaning this house repeatedly. There are 3 males that can help clean up.

    For example - A few years ago we were cleaning for company and the floors needing mopping. My husband complains about the way I mop, so I asked him to do it. He did the kitchen then took the cleaning bucket and mop to our bathroom...and got 'distracted' leaving them on my half of the room. I moved them out of the way of my sink so I could clean up and stuff, but I left them exactly as he did for six freaking months. I finally got tired of moving the mop out of the way so I could get towels and stuff out of the closet. I dumped the dirty water, rinsed the mop and put it away. Then promptly told my husband I was not going to mop this house again and if he didn't like it tough. Been three years and no mopping.

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    1. That sounds like our house, which is why the broom is always missing. Our big thing is leaving suitcases out until we need them for the next trip. Hahaha...

      You have a lot more patience than I do. Six months of the mop & bucket in my way would send me over the edge!

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  9. The thing in our house is that I'm always supposed to know where everything is. And if we have ingredients for recipes, etc. My husband will swear up and down that we DO NOT have any mayo....until I slide the milk aside and BAM! There it is. Umm. Ever heard of MOVING SOMETHING? Lol....

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    1. That's when x-ray vision glasses would come in handy! Same thing here. If it's out of sight, it ceases to exist. :D

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  10. I almost tweeted you the other day, because I could not find the dust pan. :) I thought you would know where it was . . .
    I am with Beth, my pet peeve is the projects, that are finished or unfinished, but either way the tools or craft items that were used to make the project are left where they landed.
    Another thing has to be the empty cereal box on the counter, waiting for the kitchen fairy to throw it away. The cereal that only my hubby eats, so there is no placing the blame elsewhere.

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    1. I'm so happy to know I'm not alone! Oh, and your dust pan was hanging out with ours. I think they said they were catching a movie. ;)

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  11. My favorite instance is having my parents call me when I was at college about how to program the radio in the family car. So, when I was home for the holidays and my mother wanted me to figure out how to cook the turkey in the microwave, I made her figure it out herself so she wouldn't be calling me up later. Upside, that was a really tasty turkey (moist, too). Downside, I have no idea how to duplicate what she did.

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    1. And let's not forget all those boyfriends and even male colleagues who asked me this: "do I like this [dish]?" Can't they remember their own food preferences? What am I, their mother?

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    2. LOL. "Do I like this dish?" That's funny!

      I've never cooked a turkey in the microwave. I don't think I've ever had a big enough one for it to fit. That's pretty impressive, though. If I try to cook meat in the microwave, it gets rubbery.

      My son says we'll be lost when he moves out because we won't know how to set up the XBox or Wii. It's not that difficult, but it's easier to have him do it. :D

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