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Friday, June 7, 2013

Toddlers vs. Romance: The No Holds Barred Cage Match

The Lady Scribes are excited to introduce something new we're trying out. We've asked some of our favorite authors and friends to be recurring feature writers for the blog. Today we have brave author (She's raising toddlers AND writing romance at the same time. How's that for brave?) Robin Delany with our first Lady Scribes Special Feature blog!  


Life is full of unexpected moments, but the most unexpected moments tend to come when there are toddlers in the house. For those of you who don't have children, or whose toddlers have grown, I feel I must share the love. Here are the top ten most difficult parts of writing and reading romance while you have little ones to help you better appreciate those of us traversing the dark and musty battleground that is the tot vs. the romance novel.

10 - It's inevitable that any extremely emotional or moving moment in a book will be cut off by a high-pitched scream (either of joy or anger) and that mood is hard to get back, once broken.

9 - It's hard to remember (just a second, I have to get a sippy cup) the storyline when (hold on, my two-year-old is making up the cutest song) you're constantly (wait a sec, I've got to get a tissue) you're . . . um . . . What was I saying?

8 - Romantic thoughts are far rarer when you're sleep deprived.

7 - Every prelude to a kiss ends with the incoherent letter mush of toddler fingers slipping onto the keyboard. And if you run to get a drink of water mid-sentence, you'll surely end up with; "He drew her to him, his lips kerrioooskclkgo joidfij;ortgjeaajmjufjik!!!"

6 - It's hard to think sexy thoughts while a hamster, a turtle, and a duck in a pilot's hat are singing their lungs out on TV.

5 - If the story your reading is so good you can't put it down, you might find yourself brushing your teeth with diaper rash cream. (Yes, this actually happened.)

4 - Your fingers keep slipping off the keys because they're still greasy from the aforementioned banging by chicken and apple juice covered fingers.

3 - Every time you push play on your favorite book on tape, you remember the time your little one talked to Grandma about her "heaving bosoms".

2 - No amount of Barry White can knock the "Itsy Bitsy Spiders" out of your head. 

AND the number 1 most difficult part of reading and writing romance with toddlers is . . .

1 - There's nothing worse than having to break away from a hot and sexy love scene to change a poopy diaper.



Thanks for coming folks, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Seriously though -- Some great writers have written wonderful novels with toddlers in the house (Tessa Dare, for example) and some great readers (Dana Ebright, for example) have been able to get through tons of romance novels with tots around. I believe, now that I am following in these women's footsteps, that we owe them a standing ovation for being able to achieve as much as they did with such worthy adversaries in their midst.

Mothers of toddlers everywhere, I salute you!

I hope this gave you a chuckle and a smile remembering similar experiences you've had with your kids or imagining the experiences destined to come. My little ones bring all the fun and joy into my writing, reading, and living, and it was great being able to share this small glimpse into my crazy, silly, and seriously wonderful family with all of you.

Please, if you have kids, dogs, cats, husbands, whatever, share some of your romance reading/writing mishaps. I'd love to hear them.

If you'd like to connect with Robin, you can find her at the following places:


29 comments:

  1. #6--There is something wrong with that duck. Seriously.

    I can't think of a mishap, but romance saved my sanity when I had toddlers. That was the hardest age for me.

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    1. Having a teen, I have no idea which duck this is. But I believe you. ;)

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    2. I know, right? That's one messed up duck. Thanks for stopping by to read my blog.

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  2. Welcome, Robin!

    I don't know what it is, but Mommy sitting down at the keyboard seems to be an invitation to insanity. Or at least a bursting entrance into 'agitation stage.' There's no advice but to decide to embrace the insanity! :-)

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    1. That's pretty much all you can do. Accept the crazy and try to have fun with it. Most days I do, and on that 1 in 50 day when I don't, my hubby lets me take a bath when he gets home. My real life hero! :D

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  3. Robin,

    Cute list! I wrote before my son was born, but didn't sit down at a keyboard until he was 9. My creativity has just gone, as I was solely focused on him and the day job. I didn't have the energy for anything else.

    But now, I have a new challenge... a 12 pound kitty who has a fascination with rubbing up against the corner of my laptop as he's trying to walk on the keyboard.

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    1. He's saying, pay attention to me! Love me! You don't need that silly machine when you could have twelve furry pounds of love on your lap.

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    2. Is THAT what he's saying? LOL!

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    3. Lol I think that's because cats are really toddlers in disguise.

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  4. Wonder pets, wonder pets, we're on our way, to help a baby lion and save the day. We're not too big, and we're not so tough, but when we work together we've got the right stuff. Go, wonder pets!

    Sorry. Pulling myself together now. I have cats, not kids, but they can bring on some of those same responses occasionally. For most of my writing career, I've been the favorite aunt (and until my recent move, the most frequent babysitter) for my Nephew Monster. He's five now and due to start school this upcoming school year. Any time he's been with me, I've given up any hope of writing or reading anything more involved than a shopping list. I don't know how moms do it. I mean, if I stop paying attention to him for 0.18 seconds, he's got the kitten shut in the bathroom with him while he giggles like a lunatic and pees on her. 0_0

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    1. Bwahahaha!!! I totally didn't expect that ending! OMG. I know I wouldn't think it was funny at the time, but what a story to tell his future bride. ;D

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    2. I know, right?!??! No wonder Dakota turned into my demon-spawn kitty.

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    3. LOL That was too funny. Okay, I have to pick myself up of the floor after that one. Kids do some things that make you shake your head, don't they?

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  5. Oh, Robin. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't read a book when I had toddlers without falling asleep within seconds. (I couldn't even be still for long without slipping into a near coma.) Forget trying to write a book!

    I did work from home with my day job when my daughter was a toddler, and it involves a lot of computer work at the end of the day. I had her in daycare, but my laptop had to sit out to communicate with the network at night. When I was on the phone one evening, my little one snuck upstairs and pried off about ten keys. She did a good job too, because they wouldn't pop back on! Thank goodness, she had our IS person wrapped around her little finger. My co-worker just laughed when I brought the laptop in and told her what happened.

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    1. Ack! My little one did the same thing, Samantha! Luckily my laptop was still covered under the warranty. Now should that happen today, I don't think I could be quite so sane. I love these stories!

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    2. I'm not sure where some of my replies went. That's odd. Well, I'll try this one again.
      Last year when I was getting my son juice, my daughter removed over half the keys on the very keyboard I'm using now with the silence and speed of a ninja. To this day I still can't find my F9 and F10 keys. :D

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  6. Welcome to Lady Scribes, Robin!

    The phone! The phone is riiiiining! How I remember those days, listening to that and pounding out the first of many versions of Twice Tempted and Third Time's a Charm. heh. I cherished and held on to nap time like it was made of pure gold and diamonds.

    I'd hear other parents talk about their kids giving up naptime at 2 and think, Oh heck no. Thankfully, both of my kids (9 and 6 now) didn't give up naptime until kindergarten. Still on Sunday afternoons, we all like to take big dog naps.

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    1. My kids stopped taking naps about 7 months ago. I refused to let the time go, but they insisted. After a major battle that probably left me with a few white hairs, we came to a compromise. lol I instituted quiet play time. Now I get 15-20 minutes of quiet time, if I'm lucky, where they read and play with quiet toys.

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  7. I can't even imagine, lol. Seriously, I have no kids, no day job, and a husband who does the cleaning, and I still don't get anything done! Here's to all you stalwart women with toddlers at your knees - you are my heroes!

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    1. *snort* You're so funny.

      Hey, just an aside. How did you get your husband to do the cleaning? I want to get in on that action, but my husband has to be nagged to take out the trash. I think I need a shock collar. "Honey, you forgot to mow the lawn on Saturday." BUZZ BUZZ! hehe

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    2. Yeah no kidding. I want to know that secret! I thought I was doing good with getting the hubby to take over all the cooking! Man, would I have it made if he cleaned too!

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    3. Hey! I shared my laundry secret a long time ago. I wouldn't recommend dumping the trash on the bed though. ;D

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    4. Lol. Yeah, that wouldn't be fun to sleep on.

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    5. LOL! If I'm honest, he came 'pre-trained'. As a kid he did anything his parents asked, and never minded. That's the difference between us. Doing dishes is like the 7th level of hell to me, but he doesn't really mind. I love him SO much for it, lol.

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    6. Oh darn. I got my hopes up. I guess I'll have to go back to appreciating all the things he does do. :D

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  8. I am loving these stories! I absolutely love kids, and if I could afford them I'd probably have more. But with that said, there are still days when even I lose my mind. As a former daycare teacher you'd think I could handle mommyville a little better than most, but I truly think there are going to be days that really test your sanity. Being mommy is hands down, the hardest job in the world. And kudos to all mom's who get through each day without tearing out her hair. Great blog, Robin and welcome to the Lady Scribes!

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    1. Thanks Suzie. I used to think I would be more patient because I was a substitute in elementary.*shrug* Apparently I use a different part of myself when I parent. :D

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  9. Baha! Welcome to Lady Scribes, Robin! That was so cute...and so true. I had three babies, ages three and under, when I started writing. Yeah, moron supreme. And official butt wiper. :D I still have trouble finding enough time to write every day (and they're all in school now!) and cannot fathom how I did it back then. Ah well. I still miss those baby days every once in a while (every looooong once and while).

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    1. I know what you mean. We celebrate every new milestone with a pinch of happy and a dab of sad. They grow up so fast. *sniff* But hey, we're officially diaper free, so that's a bright side.

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