For the most part, my life is an open book. If there’s something you want to know – just ask. But every now an then, when something truly devastating happens, I just need time to collect my thoughts and try to figure out what’s next.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t trusted confidants I won’t talk to, for advice, guidance or just to have a shoulder to cry on. That last one is very important to me. I usually make up my own mind and have since I was very little, but knowing that there are those who love and care about me, knowing that I can blubber on their shoulder…Well, that’s just something I need sometimes. What I also need is someone who can keep my confidence.
|Who knows? Maybe they're right. This does look bad.|
My family can’t keep secrets. I think it might be some time/space continuum problem, like the Earth would implode if they tried. Something I learned early on is that my family is like one person. If one of us knows something, the rest of us know it too. So, I always have to be sure – before I tell anyone in my family anything of importance – that I’m all right with them ALL knowing it. Sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I just don’t want everyone knowing every last detail of my life.
This last week, I experienced something that just drained me physically and emotionally. I was a wreck. I cried, I couldn’t get out of bed. I felt reminiscently of how I did when my ex-husband left – empty, with nothing left to give to anyone.
I called my mother, because I talk to her every morning around 8:00, and have for many years. If I didn’t call her, she’d know something was wrong. So, pre-emptively, I called her, gave her a brief run down of what had gone wrong and told her I just didn’t have it in me to talk. By the end of the day, my entire family knew what had happened – even my father who never talks to my mother (of course, he got the information from my brother. Time/space continuum, you know.)
My sister called to yell at me – that’s how she deals with stress. My brother called and then texted me when I didn’t answer. (I did just get yelled at and was emotionally drained.) And then my father texted too. I know they all mean well. I know they’re worried and just want to be supportive. But sometimes, I just need to be able to cope with whatever the problem is in my own way and in my own time.
I have some friends who are the same way, some friends I’ve learned the hard way that they can’t keep a secret. I have to mentally put them in the “family” box – don’t tell unless you’re ok with everyone knowing.
Whenever the subject comes up, I try to re-evaluate myself. Can I keep a secret? Most of the time I do, not always – it depends on the secret (and whether or not the time/space continuum will be affected.)
What about you? Can you keep a secret? Or does the time/space continnums affect you too?