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Friday, September 6, 2013

If I don't say it, I'm gonna burst...


All right. From time to time, things annoy me. I know this surprises no one. I have been known to rant before. This isn’t so much of a rant as it is a plea for people to stop (and a healthy dose of me snobbishly passing judgment, of which I’m fairly proficient.)

Maybe I’m the only one this annoys. Maybe I’m all alone, and it doesn’t bother anyone else in the world. But it’s been nagging at me for a while and for some reason – today – my annoyance with it overflowed.

Why do people trash up their car with bumper stickers and decals?
This isn't it, but looks a lot like the back of the car of belonging to the woman my ex-husband married. 
I would have taken a shot of her car, but I'd rather not get that close to her. Ever. 

Why?!? They’re ugly! I don’t care that your 1st grader made the honor roll. I don’t care how many children, dogs or cats you have at home. I don’t care about your political leanings. I don’t care about your Jesus fish or your evolved Darwin fish eating a Jesus fish. I don’t care about your views on gun control, abortion rights, or education.  I really, truly don’t. (Let’s be honest, I only care about my own opinion on those matters. Well…and friends who happen to agree with me. And if I don’t know you, I don’t really care that you’ve spelled out your girlfriend’s name in gold letters on the back of your car. SIDE NOTE – I don’t have any friends who would do something that tacky.)

I mean what is the point? It’s not like the driver is putting a sticker in their back window to reaffirm their own thoughts or combat Alzheimers. “For a minute there I couldn’t remember who I was going to vote for for Governor. Thank heavens I put that sticker in my back window. I might have voted for the wrong guy.”

Of course not.

It’s to show support, right?

Well, if I’m behind you and happen to share your views, it hurts my soul when you make stupid driving decisions. I’m left with thoughts like “Great! An idiot in my camp.”

And if I don’t happen to share your views, my right foot is just raring to ram you off the road. (Ok, not really – but you have pissed me off. “One more imbecilic $#*@er who lives in North Carolina. Great. Move it, idiot. Your intellect is clearly reflected on your back bumper.”)

And do you really want people in other motor vehicles pissed off at you? I don’t. Driving is dangerous enough as it is.

Not one time has a message on a bumper sticker swayed my views. “Well, I was going to vote for Candidate A, but this random guy is voting for Candidate B. Whew! Glad I caught my mistake in time.”

Nope.

Not once.  

I can’t imagine that anyone has, actually. And if someone has – I really, truly don’t want to meet them. Ever.

I’ve never picked a restaurant, church or vacation spot because of someone else’s bumper. All you’ve done is make your car look trashy, like a middle school English book covered in scribbles of the boy's name you thought was cute in 2nd period and TeenBeat stickers. Seriously.

And I’m the one stuck behind you in rush hour – thinking all sorts of uncharitable thoughts about you and your obnoxiously smart, brown-nosing 1st grader.

There. I’ve said it. Finally. I mean, it had to be said. (OK - I'm stopping to take a deep breath and calm my racing heart.) 

So, bumper stickers and decals…Your thoughts? Are you a whole lot nicer than me? Do you think about them at all? Do they bother you? Or do you…gasp….have one/some on your car? 

39 comments:

  1. Well, they don't incite me to riot, but I'm not a fan. :-) I'm a car purist. I like mine clean and sleek and shiny. Not that it ever is, but that's the dream. I don't like to mess up the back with all that stuff, and frankly, my opinions are my own on most of that stuff.

    The family decals are huge around here. All the different kinds. In our carpool one mom has zombies on hers and it says 'We ate your stick figure family.' I laughed, but I still wouldn't want that on my car either.

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    1. LOL, Deb! A lot of things can incite me to riot. You are always so much calmer than me. :)

      The zombies are amusing, you know - once. But it's on your car forever, trashing it up. I mean, what are people thinking?

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    2. Deb, I LOVE the Zombie one. That is too funny!!!!

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  2. Uh oh. Don't come visit me, then. My van is covered with bumper stickers. I love them. I guess they're a way to express my personality through this dumb, boring vehicle I have to drive around a zillion times a day. I don't have the "My Kid Is An Honor Student" or family decals, though. I have silly sayings like, "I like big books and I cannot lie" or "What would Scooby do?", as well as ones to remind me of goals, such as "Wenn nicht jetzt, wann dann? (If not now, then when)" and "Fall down 7 times, get up 8".

    So I apologize if you hate my car. You don't have to decorate yours. But my stickers make mine much more fun for me.

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    1. Bumper stickers are kind of like t-shirts. I love silly and inspirational t-shirts for expressing personality! "I like big books and I cannot lie" and "What would Scooby do?" just made me laugh. :)

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    2. That's ok, Anna. You can hate my boring car. ;) Actually - I'm not a fan of the white, I'd have rather had the blue model, but the white one had all the bells and whistles in gadgets I wanted. So I just pretned it's blue in my mind.

      My son - knowing how I feel about stickers - did put a white Apple logo from my laptop in my back window wondering how long it would take me to notice. It was about 5 minutes. ;) "But, mom, you love Apple!" He's still breathing, but just barely.

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  3. Sometimes they make me laugh and sometimes they make me roll my eyes. I don't put bumper stickers on my car. Who wants to mess up the paint??? But if I had a trashed up car already, I might not care. The one that I find ridiculous is the "I heart my wife" bumper sticker. Why is that necessary? Isn't that a given? Does anyone forget who they love? I see that bumper sticker and think "Insecure wife"! Or I think the guy is trying to throw her off.

    I shouldn't share my views on that because I did once at work and I offended a female doctor who's hubby had one on his car. Sorry if anyone's hubby has that on his car. It could be a very sweet thing to do, and I'm just jaded. ;)

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    1. Well...the sticker was put on the car for public consumption. They should expect for people to have an opinion. If you don't want to hear the opinion, you should maybe keep your bumper to yourself. (I actually remember you mentioning that story now, about the female doctor. And I remember giggling about it.)

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  4. If I was still driving around an old, falling apart clunker, then I might put some bumper stickers on it to cover up some of the scratches and rust spots. LOL. But I don't want anything like that on my new car. (Which, yes, my new car is now two years old. But that means it is NOT twenty-plus years old.) But if I did, they'd have to be something that would make even someone like you laugh...because I like being able to look in my rear view mirror at a stoplight and see the reactions other people have.

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    1. Really? You want to see their reactions?

      OK - I can clearly see that you work from home, Cat. I drive in rush hour both directions every day. I don't care about anyone's reaction to anything as long as they're not hitting me. I just want to get back to the safety of my home with my life still in my hands. And I'd like to not be annoyed when I get there. ;)

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    2. (Sitting stuck and not moving in Dallas rush hour traffic is what brought on my desire to look around at the others and see what they were doing or their reactions to things...)

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    3. Sitting in traffic makes me want to tear my own hair out.

      I can be nice...ahem...the rest of the day; but put me in traffic and I could make a sailor's ears burn with my language. It's a little blue. ;) No cute bumper sticker has ever changed my mood. LOL

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  5. Depending on the age of your car, bumper stickers also serve the very important role of helping keep your car glued together. Lucille, my beloved 1994 Ford Ranger, was covered in bumper stickers. Towards the end of her life, they were also all that kept her from falling to pieces on the road.

    Many of Lucille's bumper stickers came from my "irony" phase of life. You might be hard pressed to pinpoint my precise political leanings from those bumper stickers ;-)

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    1. LOL, Jennifer. I have seen some cars that do seem to be held together by bumper sticker adhesive. ;)

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  6. Ava,
    This will come as no great shock, but I share your overwhelming dislike (read superior loathing) of car decals. I don't give a flying fig leaf about your politics, religion, your rotten children, or how many trees you like to hug at night.
    Go die ugly.
    I think the reason these things honk me off so much is that to put them on your car implies you believe you're important enough that I do and should care about who you think you are. Well, I don't. And I especially don't care about your kid and his perceived IQ. However, if someone could make me a bumper sticker as dictated below, I would totally slap that sucker on the back of my car. :D
    MY OLDEST WILL RUN THE WORLD
    MY SECOND BORN WILL ENTERTAIN IT
    MY THIRD WILL BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE.

    True story. Heehee.

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    1. I don't like to hug any trees at night. There are bugs on the bark. ;)

      "I don't care about your kid and his perceived IQ" I will giggle about that the rest of the day.

      But your poor third child. Bring on the apocalypse? He can't be that bad. He's so cute.

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    2. Of course he's cute--the devil can't win souls with an ugly face. Not to worry, my Little Big Man is very loved and he knows it. Even if it is sometimes a challenge to remember it myself. :D

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    3. The devil can't win souls with an ugly face! LMAO!! You are killing me today. ;)

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  7. I am not a big bumper sticker fan...I agree that they tend to make a car look trashy if they are overdone! However, I also have, on occasion, put a bumper sticker (as in one) on my vehicle to show support for an issue I believe in strongly. My current vehicle is currently sticker free and that may or may not continue to be the case. I agree with you that when I see stickers that are against my beliefs, I just want to follow that person until I get a chance to "talk" to them and find out why they are such an idiot. Instead, I just rant and rave to myself in my own vehicle as I watch them drive away....LOL

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    1. LOL Sharon. You want to "talk" to them to find out why they are such an idiot. See, you are so much nicer than me. I just wanna run 'em off the road or get really far away from them. ;)

      But there is a lot of ranting inside my car (big surprise, I'm sure) about the idiot until they're gone.

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  8. I don't have any bumper stickers or window decals. I didn't even put the parking sticker on my window. Stickers as a whole on other cars don't really bother me. I ignore them for the most part but it is impossible to avoid reading them when stuck in traffic. I have laughed at funny ones and tend to glance over schools, honor rolls, etc. If someone is going to put something on the back of the car, at least let it be entertaining. The ones that never bother me and I kind of like seeing are the stickers, decals, window art that reference support for a branch of the military. I may have something like that on my window one day. Yep, I will be that mom (it won't reference my son - just the branch).

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    1. Aww, that's sweet, Jane. :)

      My son keeps begging to let me put on a little red and white Scuba diver sticker in the window. You know, the red box with the white slash? (He's certified I'm not.) So far, it's not there - just the Apple one he thought he could sneak past me.

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  9. I'm not really a big fan of bumper stickers and I drive an eight year old clunker. I just don't particularly like the clutter but I don't have a problem with anyone else doing that. But I'll definitely listen to an Ava's rant anyday. =P

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    1. LOL, Suzie! You'll listen to an Ava rant any day? Boy... you have just opened yourself up for all sorts of stuff now. Prepare for a phone call. ;)

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  10. I actually got the Darwin fish BECAUSE of the Jesus fish. Like you, I don't want someone's ideals/thoughts/group ideology shoved down my throat and I saw one too many fish. Then I saw a Darwin fish and, wham! that was it. now all my cars have them. One day I was in the supermarket parking lot and a little gray-haired old lady walked by me, and was staring at my Darwin fish. I thought, "oh, boy. Here it comes." She smiles at me and says, "Don't you just LOVE when people are horrified by your Darwin fish? I have one on my car too."

    Validation. :)

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    1. LOL, Judi! That's a great story. ;)

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    2. Too funny, Judi!!! I'm totally missing out. I've never seen the Darwin fish. LOL

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  11. I think the people that keep old political stickers when their chosen won lost the election is odd. I have on my car stickers that mean something to me:
    "My Work Number is 9-1-1" for my last profession before leaving to write romance full-time
    "Warning: Driver is Trapped in a Book" again, because of my profession
    "Kiss My Thistle" for our Scottish heritage
    and the most important of all:
    "ARMY MOM"
    Nancy Lee Badger
    http://nancyleebadger.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm going to have to get me one of those ARMY MOM ones as well. That, I will proudly wear.

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  12. Nope, nothing on my car. Yeah, I think it's crazy to junk up your car with that stuff. I don't mind the magnets so much, at least they'll come off if you decide you no longer want to have that pink ribbon on your car to support breast cancer research, but the silly stick figures in the window have really got to go.

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    1. Agreed! Silly stick figures indeed! I saw one depicting a pet rabbit the other day. Come on, people! ;)

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  13. LOL I have the same thought about them this past week. Come on people, they're not that good looking and they really ruin the look of your car. But, BUT, I was thinking about (more like joking with my brother) about putting one, Just One on my car just because. It said something about love reading romance books, but yeah...it was just a thought.
    And yes I hate looking/ reading them though, I do raise my brows at them whenever I come across a super dumb? strange? weird? stupid? sticker.

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    1. LOL. Were you thinking about putting the bumper sticker on your car or your brothers? ;)

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  14. Ugh, I'm with you on the Bumper Stickers. They're kind of like the '80s version of not-yet-invented social media...except they didn't go away. They just have bumper stickers AND espouse obnoxious views on social media!

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    1. The 80s version of not-yet-invented social media. That's awesome, Suzanne. LOL!

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  15. I'm not a fan of bumber stickers what if your opinion changes then you have to scrape thay sticker off. My peeve is the cars that advertise like a giant bumper sticker. Why would you ride around with a giant can of red bull on your car.

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    1. LMAO, Rhonda! That is very true. And they're never "big" cars either. Always small ones that it looks like the Red Bull can is going to smother. ;)

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  16. Don't have stickers on anything and never have. I'm not paid to publicize anyone's brands, but I keep thinking a hot Highlander on my car would look so... hot. Or a SEAL wolf.... but see, that would do it for me, but I'm not the one who's going to see it. :)

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