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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

And Baby Makes 18 to Life

I never thought I would blog about Kim Kardashian. EVER. Truthfully, she just isn’t on my radar most of the time, although it’s hard to miss all the tabloid headlines. But this blog isn’t about Kim, her fiancé, her family, or her show. It’s about exploring attitudes about childrearing and how a romantic relationship is supposed to fit in with raising a baby, or even older kids.

If you missed the twitter storm a few weeks ago, people were criticizing Kim Kardashian for posting selfies at her fiancé’s concerts. Tweeters were calling her a bad mom for going out now that she has a baby. When she tweeted the following in her defense, she sure poked the skunk.

When the baby goes down 4 bed or a nap, parents are allowed 2 work & support each other, maybe even have fun too.

I was flabbergasted by the animosity that rained down on her like hellfire. The comments ranged from blatant hatred to mother-shaming, but the ones that really caught me by surprise were similar to this one:

Parenting is about unconditional giving, 24/7/365 for the duration…

Age 4: Score!

Age 34: Not so cute now, is he?
Another comment said something along the lines of there being plenty of time to have fun with your partner when your children are grown.

Does anyone else see potential problems with this thinking?
(1) No one knows what the future holds. Maybe there won’t be plenty of time.
(2) Relationships require nurturing, so maybe there won’t even be a partnership if you wait until the kids are grown to nurture it.

I think it’s tough being a parent. We have this huge and wonderful responsibility to raise these beautiful gifts without screwing them up, but does that mean we have to give up our identities? Does it mean all our other relationships have to go on hold until our kids turn 18? Does it mean no more fun? Does it mean we all have to drive Minivans and wear mom jeans?!? 


  1. I'm sorry, but so what if Kim wants more to life that's okay. I think it's important to nurture your adult relationships. As along as she's taking care of the child when it needs her. The people who don't do things outside of their kids tend to be bitter. I'm sorry I need my free time away from my kids. Some parents need that otherwise you have situations that are not good or they go crazy. Plus, where these people get this idea that once the kids are out of house that everything is just going to magically perfect cause they have kids. No, they are going to end with empty nest syndrome and wonder what they should, because they didn't cultivate their own interest when had kids. I think divorce is higher at this time frame.

    A healthy person doesn't just sacrifice themselves, but modifies. I'm telling sacrifice oneself makes you crazy, make time for yourself and relationships.

    1. "Cultivate their own interest." That is such a perfect phrase, Melody. I'm like you. I have to have a little time to myself. I think it makes me a more patient parent than I would be otherwise.

      If all you are is a parent, I can just imagine how hard it would be to know what to do with yourself once your kids left home.

  2. My husband and I raised two wonderful and successful sons of whom we’re very proud. We gave them lots of nurturing and love but always took time out for US! I cannot tell you how many couples we know who, after raising their children, looked at each other one day and said, “who are you?” Many of them have divorced. Children WILL grow up and go out on their own and there will be many, many years for you two as a couple. Never stop talking and always take time for the two of you.

    1. Connie,
      I think that's great insight and advice. I have a friend who lost her husband at a young age. They were close and did lots together as a family. Before he got sick, she once said that they should try to make more time for date nights but they were so busy with kids. I feel doubly sad when I remember this conversation.

  3. Hmmm I don't really care for Kim or any other reality stars but for her to be bashed about some pictures at a concert without her babe is just ridiculous. Many people do that, you know (bashers). Just because she's being watched by people doesn't make it right to criticize her for having some fun away from her babe for a while. Yes, I kow they're young but give her some peace. Raising a child, let alone a young babe is not easy and sometimes you have to make room for yourself and your partner's. It's just crazy to say they're a bad mother for spending time and supporting their partner.

    1. That's a good point, kipha. Some people are just bashers. I wonder how many doctors' spouses get criticized for attending work functions and offering support. How true it is that raising a child, especially a baby, is hard work.

  4. My first thought was, it ends at 18? I have not found this to be true! Also, it is cheaper to take a kid out to dinner than to pay a babysitter! I I do think parents deserve a night out without kids, but sometimes it isn't financially feasible. This past summer, my husband & I went walking on the boardwalk a few nights a week. My youngest is 14, so she is OK home alone for awhile.

    1. When our kids were little, we couldn't afford a sitter either. Often our date night consisted of watching a show together or having a glass of wine and talking about all the things we wanted to do when we had money. :)

      We also traded off babysitting with our friend when our kids were really young, which ended up turning into a stronger friendship. Our daughters are still young enough that they can't be on their own, but they have older brothers who watch them.

      I don't expect our work will be done when our kids turn eighteen either. They'll both be a senior in high school still. I just don't want a 30 year old living at home. :)